For Jason

"Yoiks...and away!!!

And a good time was had by all......

this past Saturday evening was spent on a jolly spree. Well maybe jolly is overreaching, but imbibing was done. I found myself free and downtown late in the day with a distinct loathing to return home as normal. Having spent more than enough nights reclining on my davenport with a cable control close at hand, I opted to step out for a drink. Alas a series of quick calls through my cell phone's contacts list proved that I was to be drinking alone. To make it interesting I adapted the following game plan: I would visit a bar and leave only when I became annoyed by whatever company I encountered.

Bar One: Perfectly fine atmosphere, recently remodeled, (not quite finished) good natural light, unfortunately I was saddled with a bartender possessing all the people skills of a box of hair. Moreover, my presence seemed to irritate him as my ordering drinks and his having to serve them forced him three feet away from his boyfriend(also sitting at the bar) I opted to take my tip money elsewhere....


Bar two: Small neighborhood joint, I know the bartender from the gym. Within two minutes of striking up conversation, the patron on my left confesses to attending smokers anonymous, alcoholic's anonymous, survivors of incest anonymous and codependent's anonymous. Ummm, I left.

Bar Three: Upscale, great lighting, good bartenders, all incorporated into the high prices of the drinks. In the middle of my first glass of Shiraz a woman walks in takes in the crowd at the bar, takes in me sitting there as well, takes in the bartender, when all eyes are on her in return she disdainfully picks up a cocktail napkin and honks her nose long and hard enough to signal ships at sea. the bartenders look askance, the crowd stuck waiting for tables cringes and I finish my Shiraz as quickly as possible since "Madame" is now sitting next to me.

Bar Four: My usual drinking hole. THE END, We're two gin & tonics and two glasses of Shiraz in at this point and it did not end there.

Think! Have you ever seen them together at the same time?

Even more disturbing, shoot your brother, then later send a mail bomb and the University of Alabama will hire you with benefits. Meanwhile I'm STILL unemployed????

My name is Barbra

so I'm on a retro game show kick. There are worse things......

The Famous Stroganoff on "To Tell The Truth"

And of course Kitty Carlisle Hart was impeccably correct in removing the morsel from her mouth with her fork, rather than the much more common and vulgar "spit take"....

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Enjoy some pancakes for dinner. They become guilt free when they're traditional!!!!!

Happy Valentines Day!

There was a time in my life that I would have liked to kiss him.....

Ninety Nine

Captain Kangaroo-Dancing Bear

Does anyone else remember the Dancing Bear from Captain Kangaroo? for some reason he's been popping into my mind lately. 

Maybe it's my yearning for the simpler times of my youth.....

"Oh, don't let it bother you LITTLE boy!

So, we were all working in the cafe the other night when I made the offer to train a few of my co-workers. The new chef who is transitioning from female to male has decided to take advantage of the all the hormones he's taking and bulk up. (Yes, this the crowd I know work with). I made the offer to train our new dishwasher as well and he promptly refused. I immediately asked if he wanted to spend the rest of his life getting sand kicked in his face whenever he went to the beach. He looked at me blankly in reply.

Yes I am old and I work with an increasingly younger crowd. It seems neither cook nor dishwasher, knew of, had heard of or seen the old standard comic book ad for Charles Atlas' workout program.

Our line cook however being my age did remember it and pointed out that it no longer played. Today if you kicked sand in someone's face they would pull out a gun and shoot you. to hell with going home and feeling bad about yourself.....